How I missed you

I spent my days writing

Searching for you everywhere

I hoped to see you and let the floods in again

I thought I heard your voice, I felt your breath in my face, how I missed you

Your eyes so etched in memory they haunt me each time I closed mine

I stood by our tree hundreds of days waiting for you but you never came

My eyes always searching and my heart longing for the day we laugh at all of it

But this love is only torture, how I prayed the Lord to let me forget you

I prayed the Lord to let you go and drown all bridges but I only drown in my tears waiting for the day that never comes

Maybe the distance is too great now and our love too withered

It was my broken heart that didn’t listen to your goodbyes, you said how I couldn’t love you, a no good, but still my foolish heart writes you a love letter everyday

Hoping my words will reach your heart and you will return to me

Love My Body

So full

I can’t breathe

I can’t stop

My incredible weight

My body so deformed I couldn’t recognize it

I stared at the size of my thighs

The misshapen calves and

The mounds of flesh that became my feet

Was this me?

I could see everything inside

The mountains of fat inside and

The squeeze for space

The yellowed bumpy surface and

The suffering flesh underneath

I heard some say I should learn

Learn to love my new body

And my new face

But they would talk

And point

And laugh

And remind me how I used to be

I sobbed in my bed

I don’t want to be touched or loved

I don’t want to get out

No one can see me this way ever again

Lonely Heart

The lonely heart seeks in vain whom to love

The cold nights and sore days that never go away

The years that turned into years

The prison that pushes the brick walls closer

And day after day, walking these thorns

Turning the mind into a mad house

Louder screams and broken insides

Oh these shadows that deter strong hearts to a whimper

And slow the coming of joy from any corner

Yet the lonely heart never gives up

It keeps searching

Even in vain

Injured

I remember walking down

And I looked down to my foot

My shoe was gone and I didn’t know

I realized I felt nothing

Gone was all feeling

It was my devastation

That I would never walk again

A whole year would pass

But I did

I walked again

Love’s foe

Love’s withered foe

Perched upon the heart of man

Skin shrivelled like the old at their last

Unfallen waiting for winter’s last bite

Laden with cold, snow’s tears drip off its leaves

Love roars in its frozen ears

To shake its deathly demise

But unhinged it remains

The joy

Joy becomes me

When I think of all our time with the Lord

How I sing and dance with him and how you read the words

I think about how we reached the shores of his grace and all the seas we crossed with him

All the places we have been and where he leads

I think how blessed we are, to have the joy of the Lord